Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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