..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
