when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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