respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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