also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
