GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
