like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
