That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
