My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
