I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
