..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm like, not good at living.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
