i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
