I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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