I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
