We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
