my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she looked like the before picture.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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