I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
