dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
