P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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