Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
