Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize