Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
