I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
