How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
