shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
