What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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