I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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