I love black thongs
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
