Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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