Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
