(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
