I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
