So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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