You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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