I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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