Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
