I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
