he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
