DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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