you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
