did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
