I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
