So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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