u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize