So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
