ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
