a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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