i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My liver just broke up with me...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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