Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
