Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i love accidental penises.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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