just come out here and I will go home with you...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
