In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
