Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
