I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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