Having a random hookup so left but love u
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize