the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
