i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
