After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize