we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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