Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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