i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
