I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
