oh god the rape fog is back!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
