Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
