girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
