People in love make me want to vomit
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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