you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
