My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
