Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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