let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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